Imagine if five years from now a group of Hollywood execs get together and decide to reimage a movie for a “new” generation. Imagine the movie being something classic or revered. Now imagine the execs casting the movie to “appeal” to the “new” generation. Imagine the movie being Jaws or The Godfather. Now, wipe the vomit off of your shirt, but realize this is the new direction of Hollywood. Hollywood has lost its eye for originality and the movie-goer is being asked to pay the price. It is disheartening to see the business continually head down this path. Reimaging movies is a bad idea. A good example has to be Rob Zombie’s Halloween. An abysmal film made for a “new” generation of horror fans or Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Now, I’ll get the argument that Burton is a respected director, but how many times has he dropped the proverbial “ball” recently? Need I remind you of Planet of the Apes? Reimaging a movie or idea is like repainting the Sistine Chapel because the medium used to paint it isn’t contemporary. This is a sad time in Hollywood because the copycats are lurking and ready to stand on the shoulders of the greats and ruin little slices of cinematic history. It is a matter of time before Dwayne Johnson stands on the side of vessel and says “We are going to need a bigger boat.”
Here are some “re-imagings” that have already been greenlit or already in production….
Alice in Wonderland (Alice)-My man Burton is back at it again to ruin yet another classic story. Tim, your style is one of my favorites, but when can we return to Beetlejuice or Edward Scissorhands? Please don’t mess up this classic tale. I always thought of Alice as being older too, so don’t cast Abigail Breslin. I know Johnny Depp will appear, but you couldn’t direct a new Pirate movie instead?
Friday the 13th-Do we really need to see Jason again? Really? I love horror and I love slasher flicks. I love that they were my first brush with naked boobs, but we are beyond this now. The horror movies of today lack the style of the cheap horror of the 80’s. Cha Cha Cha!
A Nightmare on Elm Street-See Above. Without Robert Englund!
The Day the Earth Stood Still-Keanu Reeves stars in this sci-fi classic. Eww!
Death Race-As if the original were awesome.
Robocop-Yup. Coming soon. I cannot wait to see this crapfest.
Adventures in Babysitting-Starring Raven Simone. Oh, the anticipation is killing me. Will Thor reappear?
Weird Science-Arrested Development creator is attached. Who will play LeBrock’s character? This movie got cooler with age.
Footloose-When I get mad, I dance! I was thinking the other day, we need another Footloose. I hope it has a poignant message like the original. RIP Chris Penn.
17 comments:
Saw the trailer for "The Day the Earth Stood Still" and from the looks from it it seems decent enough. No reason to bash it just because Keanu Reeves plays an emotional robot... hey wait, that's perfect casting
I give Robocop the green light simply because it's not a remake. from what I've read, it's a continuation. Also, Darren Aronofsky is directing so it's getting that indie director vision. I seem to recall another indie visionary taking up the helm of a movie about a guy that dresses up as a bat...
By the way, I thought Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was fine. I think the problem is that we revere the musical so much because we grew up with it, it's the same thing with Star Wars. The prequels were crap but there have been so many kids that loved them and ate it all up, just as we did when we were their age.
You have only touched the surface of the remakes, Hollywood has been doing it for years with foreign films and television shows. Just think, if they didn't do remakes we wouldn't have had All in the Family or The Departed.
I see your point, but my argument is based on a steady influx of re-makes recently. I don't mind them either, but the sheer volume of them is a bit alarming.
I have to confess that I'm not in love with Willy Wonka. Gene Wilder creeped me out a bit. I revere the Star Wars Trilogy because it is still more than watchable were as the Prequel Trilogy was very dissatisfying based on the fact that it is largely boring. Most kids didn't love it as much as you think.
I do not count book adaptations or Comic Book movies as re-makes. I get the Departed was remake, but it was a remake with an All-Star Team of actors and a legendary director.
I just want more originality. Do you think we'll ever see another Star Wars? LOTR doesn't count because the idea already existed. Tolkien's idea was brought to the big screen and I loved it, but it is not original.
I once took a history of music course at BCC with a quirky professor who defined the word masterpiece as "when everything has been thought of and nothing is missing". That definition has stayed with me for many years b/c he was right. A masterpiece is something that if you add one more part or subtract one part, it is ruined. A masterpiece walks that delicate fine line.
For me, I think the perfect example is the cinematic gem, The In Laws. I have seen that incredible movie so many times and I still laugh at Peter Faulk's delivery and Alan Arkin's performance as the straight man in that comedic duo. Richard Libertini (AKA Fletche's editor) performance as General Garcia is side splitting. "Serpentine, Shel, serpentine!"
So when I heard that they were remaking this treasure and using box office cancer Albert Brooks and the always hilarious Michael Douglas, I somehow found the strength to restrain myself from shelling out $8 to see it. I couldn't imagine why they would even want to touch that amazing movie. I cannot tell you the speed which disappointment sets in when I am flicking around the channels and see The In Laws on the movie guide only to find out it is the remake when I switch it on.
On the other hand, I really enjoyed Oceans 11, and ofcourse Brewster's Millions. However, Hollywood has a lousy batting average when it comes to remaking films that it should not be allowed. Perhaps Ron Bennington (from the Ron and Fez show on XM) put it best when talking about remakes in another context. "Could you imagine going to a comedy club and seeing some comedian doing Prior's full act?"
Great point John! I love the fact that you love The ORIGINAL In Laws! You are an old soul my friend.
Someone doing Prior (Carlos Mencia possibily)would be blasphemous (sp?)
By the way, Depp will be the Mad Hatter (Variety)
"Most kids didn't love it as much as you think."
I've seen many kids, kids that even like that damn Jar Jar, in the store talking about how cool the clone troopers were when the movies were out. They ate it up, they couldn't tell you what was going on, all they cared about was that they were fighting robots and monsters.
The Hollywood remake will continue as long as there is money to be made. People are nostalgic, especially now with a war and economic troubles. People want something they know and are comfortable with, and Hollywood gives it to them.
Mr. Mack, why are you standing in the toy department of a store and "spying" on the conversations of little kids? I jest.
Look, the overall appeal of the Star Wars franchise was weakened by those films. When Attack of the Clones was released there was an effort to not flood the market with merchandise becausethe "want" was not there. Kids did not respond to it the way collectors did. I bought more merchandise than the 10 year-old boy who found Jar Jar to be funny. Truthfully, my heart breaks evrytime I think about the steaming pile of ruins that once the Star Wars Universe. I wanted kids to eat it up like candy. I wanted to be satuarated in Star Wars bookbags, lunch boxes, cups, pencils, figures, playsets, and video games. It didn't happen.
Aronofsky may have pulled out of Robocop, Not good news.
How about the piece of shit 'Bad News Bears' remake? Why would anyone do such a thing? 'Charlie and The Chocolate factory' was a terrible mess, even worse than 'Planet of the Apes' remake, if at all possible...
I love Burton too, but c'mon dude. When did he get to be such a whore?
Just wait until the 'Animal House/Caddyshack' remakes come out!
What if someone did 'remakes' of books? How about if some doucehbag came along and did a 'remake' of 'Tom Sawer'? I can assure you, that while Keanu doesn't bother me like he does others, 'The Day The Earth Stood Still' remake wont come close to being as good/iconic/profound as the original.
Let someone remake Burtons Beetlejuice with Ashton Kucher, or some other banal celebrity, see how he likes it.
That is why Onkel is the best color man baseball.
Today his commentary has venom, meesa like it...
In regards to the Bad News Bears...
Kids in wheelchairs, NOT FUNNY!
Bad movie...
Remake or rewrite a book is a good point!
it should read best color man in baseball-major league
Dan, it's Shane. You know I've worked at a comic shop full time, and I still part time and kids come in either asking for what ever is the hottest thing at the moment (Iron Man, Hellboy) but Star Wars will never die. Hell, a couple months ago I sold a couple of 12 inch star wars dolls and one was Anakin and the other Jar Jar... and not even the older Anakin, the little turd one from Phantom.
and now with this new set of clone war figures the cycle will continue again.
Don't take this the wrong way but you can't see what the kids see in the movie because you are so biased against it. We all have our own version of what Star Wars is all about. The prequels isn't our Star Wars but to those kids they are.
Shane,
I know it is you. There is no one whom I respect more when it comes to the comic book genre/sci-fi genre of movies. I believe you and I are very much alike when comes to relating to childhood.
I want to be clear. I LOVE THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE! I understand those movies were made for kids, but so is the new Harry Potter series and I dig the hell out the movies and vooks. I love Sci-Fi and fantasy. I don't blame Lucas for "raping" my childhood as some have said. I almost wish Sith was more lighthearted. I LOVE the fact that 12 inch Star Wars figures are selling. I love that a colleague of mine has child who wears a Darth Vader mask and uses his wiffle ball bat as a lightsaber. I WANT those movies to be sucessful. I rooted for Spiderman to suck so Clones would kill at the box office, but I can put myself in the shoes of a child and look at some of that stuff and be bored. I LOVE the end of Menance and Clones for that matter.
Also, you work in a comic book store so of course kids are going to buy Star Wars stuff. I don't expext to see Iron Man merchandise flying off the shelves.
Shane, you should writ on this blog if you have time. I love the way you think and the fact that you read this stupid thing says a ton about you. Happy Birthday my Man!
i agree with you about willy wonka-it's like the fear and loathing in las vegas for kids. as for the topic, i can see doing a remake if the movie gets lost with age, but for a movie like bad news bears i dont get it. the story still holds up. there is no reason for a remake. Psycho was a ridiculous remake, especially since it was done shot for shot. theres no reason for it and no one is going to do it better than hitchcock.
i wanted to be wonka when i grew up. i almost did it too...
I want to see a remake of White Men Can't Jump starring Tommy Chong and Hillary Duff
and i want to see a remake of the 'white men can't jump' remake only this time starring the ghost of charles nelson riley and mo'nique!
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