Old School Review: Let MeLook on You with My Own Eyes

The line outside the Towne Four movie theater was about a half-mile. I was an 8 year old boy standing with ticket in hand as the usher counted us and moved us forward. As far as I knew this would be the last Star Wars movie I would see. My young mind was still trying to grasp Darth Vader being Luke's father and the fact the Han Solo was now in Carbonite form. I remember holding five-dollars for popcorn and soda and hoping to see the Galactic Empire crumble as my childhood hero, Luke Skywalker, finally realized his destiny. I knew that all would be well with Return of the Jedi because I looked at some photos in Time Magazine and saw these cute, teddy bear characters standing in a forest. I was perplexed to find a photo of Leia and Luke dressed in camouflage gear. What could this mean? Had they gone G.I Joe? Were these "bears" an enemy of the Rebellion or victims of the iron fisted rule of the Empire? So many questions to be answered. I sat in the theater next to my childhood buddy and his father purchased a bucket of popcorn for us to share. Even though I was a heavyset kid, I could care less about the popcorn. I needed answers and they had better come in bunches. The 20th Century Fox logo appeared and I disappeared into a galaxy far, far, away...

Return of the Jedi is a culmination of all the things we love about Star Wars. For an 8 year-old boy this movie was damn near flawless. Let's examine it's awesome power.

First: The first scene in Jedi is terrifying. Darth Vader states that the Emperor is "not as forgiving as I am." Holy crap! Not as forgiving as you? You cut your own son's hand off! What happens if refused to clean his room or take out the garbage? Vader was scary and my heart palpitated at the very thought of this Emperor guy.

Second: Jabba's Palace is the greatest 30 minutes of cinema I've ever seen. I love the eclectic decoration, the seedy inhabitants, Jabba in his gluttonous glory, Leia in a bikini and in Boush disguise, defrosting Han Solo, the dreaded Rancor, the trip to the Sarlac Pit, and Lando's redemption.

Third: The Emperor's arrival. I still have nightmares of ROTJ Palpatine. He frightens me. Let's put it into perspective, Darth Vader fears this dude.

Fourth: Endor is so freakin' awesome that it is tough for me to contain myself. I'll concede the Ewoks to the adults, but when I was a kid, I loved them. I flat out will not deny that the Ewoks are still cool. These primitive, furry, little bastards took down "the man" with sling shots, rocks,timber and Ewok ingenuity. The Ewoks would make Francis Marion proud. The speeder bike sequence was state of the art entertainment. Why they don't have a ride at Disney based off of this is beyond me. C-3po using his "divine influence" is also a scene not to be trifled with.

Fifth: Lando in the Falcon is unsettling, but the space battle took my breath away. Watching a Star Destroyer crash into the unfinished Death Star is just priceless. Admiral Ackbar is the man, well sort of.

Sixth: Will look become angry enough to strike down the Emperor? After all, he does have is lightsaber. Green hits red and here we go. Luke shows how much is skills have developed, yet, Vader insists on giving verbal twists of the nipples. "So you have a twin sister..."

Seventh: "So be it, Jedi." Enough said.

Finally: Vader finds redemption. Leia reveals to Han that Luke his her brother. Chewbacca is still awesome and nothing beats Ewoks playing Rock Band with stormtrooper helmets.

For me, Jedi isn't the best Star Wars, but it is the most fun and it ended the trilogy with such imaginative pageantry. I will always be fond of Return of the Jedi as it has taken its place at my side.

Super Daddy

The seventeen year-old Kim is the pride and joy of her father, the retired agent Bryan Mills that left the secret service to stay near Kim in California. Kim lives with her mother Lenore and her wealthy stepfather Stuart; she convinces the reluctant Bryan to sign an authorization to travel to Paris with her friend Amanda. When they arrive, they share a cab with the stranger Peter and Amanda tells to him that they are alone in Paris. When Bryan succeeds in contacting his daughter, she tells that criminals have just break in the spot and they are kidnapped by an Albanese gang of human trafficking. Bryan promises in the phone to kill the kidnapper of his daughter and immediately travels to Paris to find Kim and chase the criminals (IMDB).
Mills is played by Liam Neeson and if weren't for him being cast in this movie this could have been a disaster. Taken is a sugar high. It is entertaining, but not fulfilling. The problem with Nesson's character is that he dispatches of his enemies with such ease. He is never beaten or battered and that makes him less believable as a character. Maggie Grace plays his daughter and plays the typical dumb teenager. Luc Besson directs (Transporter Trilogy) and his action scenes are quite good, but the explanation of how and why these characters exist in this seedy underworld are unanswered. The strong point of the film is Nesson's statements of foreshadowing. He is still capable of carrying the most average films. Overall, I was pleased , but not Taken.

P.S.
I was fortunate enough to see the European release and the violence was dialed up a bit.

Crystal Clear

Jason Vorhees is our modern Frankenstein. He is the equivalent of the old Universal Monsters from yesteryear. It always amazed me that he could lumber around the forest and catch even the nimblest of prey by just taking his time. Walls, doors, brick were always treated as paper as he would rumble through them effortlessly and kill a naked, screaming woman. I look back on the previous Friday the 13th movies fondly because for me they were an indulgence or a nice piece of expensive chocolate that would be enjoyed, but easily forgotten. I had gotten it through my head that if given the chance, I could outrun, outthink and maneuver the land version of a Great White shark. You see, watching Jason movies as always been safe. There was never anything to REALLY be afraid of until now…
The newest “reboot” of franchise would prove to be a tricky task for director Marcus Nispel (Texas Chainsaw Massacre). He had to once again instill fear and make us afraid of Jason. This wouldn’t be easy given the abysmal remakes of Halloween and Prom Night. Those movies made the mistake of paying far too much homage to the original material. No, Nispel had to make Friday the 13th HIS movie. I guess the most glaring difference is the intelligence of Jason. He is like the Jason Bourne of psychotic, homicidal, mass murderers. I don’t know if the masses prefer lumbering, semi-retarded Jason or not. In this version he baits and catches. Crystal Lake his truly his and he has made it a point to be the lone proprietor of the land surrounding the lake. He has hidden trenches, knows where the electrical boxes are located, and even seems to be running his own underground morgue. Yeah, this Jason is different. So different in fact that instead of walking after you, he runs like a sprinter with machete for a baton. He is lightening quick, but not in a supernatural fashion. Gone are the days of his ability to just appear wherever and whenever. No, this Jason is stealthy, but in a way where he plays fair. He’ll match his murderous skills against your will for survival any day. He does don the hockey mask to cover up his deformed face and has incredible knowledge of how things work. A little known fact about Jason is that he obviously studied horticulture because he grows his own pot. Yes, you read that correctly, he knows how to grow weed. He baits unsuspecting, horny, college kids into the woods to find his crop and when they do, well, you know. Jason obviously does not partake in the smoking of the weed hence his anger issues. Like I said, this Jason is different.
Some things haven’t changed with Crystal Lake over the years. For instance, the police force is still doing a piss poor job of catching the greatest mass murderer of our time. Women are still performing gratuitous sex acts that are probably illegal in most states. Branches still trip people as they run in the dark through the woods, and drunken parties are the rage despite the fact that mass killings are status quo. But I digress, Crystal Lake has never looked better. There is true production value with Friday the 13th. The acting is on par with that of the previous 10 films and the killings are just as over the top as one might expect. I liked this Friday for putting fear back into the mythos of Jason. He isn’t just a caricature, but a killer.