Times to Remember

Bruce Springsteen said it best, “Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture a little of the glory of, well time slips away and leaves you with nothing mister but boring stories of glory days.” This is so true when it comes to getting older and realizing that your best days are probably behind you. We mistakenly try to live vicariously through our children instead of just letting our children live. We remember a time when we were kids rooting and cheering men playing a game on television. Now, we are men cheering and jeering “kids” playing the same game. Oh, how times have changed. Yet, when it comes to the “glory days” I feel that I am better off now. I have, like many of you, realized that I am better equipped to deal with the rigors of life. However, I still look back fondly of the days when I could actually throw a baseball and not have the need to pop four Aleve after “stretching” out my arm. Gone are those days when I could play anything for 8 or 9 hours straight. Gone are the days of chasing pretty girls or in my case, any girl that would have me. I now refer to these days as the best days of my life, but my memory still holds on to the “glory days.”

Today’s Roar features movies of those whose fire has been extinguished by time.

5) The Best of Times-Kurt Russell returns to his “glory days” as a high school quarterback to avenge the heartbreaking loss of a cross town rival. Robin Williams manipulates him into one last shot at glory. It is still hard to watch because Williams playing a wide receiver is not plausible, but he is from ORK…

4) Rocky Balboa-The more times I watch this movie the better it becomes. Rocky has been put out to pasture and his sidekick Pauly is right beside him. Rocky has to go out on his on terms. I love the tone of this movie because ageism does exist and when have you finally earned the right to do the things you love?

3) American Beauty-This movie epitomizes mid-life crisis. Kevin Spacey is driven to look, feel, and act young. He needs to recreate a time in his life when things were simple and everything felt new. And just when you finally have your epiphany….blam!

2) The Hustler-Eddie Felson is the hot new pool player trying to learn and knock off Minnesota Fats. This is a classic not to be outdone by the remake The Color of Money. Never confuse talent for experience. Gleason and Newman star and it is reminder of what great actor Jackie Gleason truly was.

1) Kingpin-Roy Munson, con-man, alcoholic, and bowler. His days of bowling are long gone and it doesn’t help that he has but one hand…creepy! I am above the law!

Hey, You Copied!

Imagine if five years from now a group of Hollywood execs get together and decide to reimage a movie for a “new” generation. Imagine the movie being something classic or revered. Now imagine the execs casting the movie to “appeal” to the “new” generation. Imagine the movie being Jaws or The Godfather. Now, wipe the vomit off of your shirt, but realize this is the new direction of Hollywood. Hollywood has lost its eye for originality and the movie-goer is being asked to pay the price. It is disheartening to see the business continually head down this path. Reimaging movies is a bad idea. A good example has to be Rob Zombie’s Halloween. An abysmal film made for a “new” generation of horror fans or Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Now, I’ll get the argument that Burton is a respected director, but how many times has he dropped the proverbial “ball” recently? Need I remind you of Planet of the Apes? Reimaging a movie or idea is like repainting the Sistine Chapel because the medium used to paint it isn’t contemporary. This is a sad time in Hollywood because the copycats are lurking and ready to stand on the shoulders of the greats and ruin little slices of cinematic history. It is a matter of time before Dwayne Johnson stands on the side of vessel and says “We are going to need a bigger boat.”

Here are some “re-imagings” that have already been greenlit or already in production….

Alice in Wonderland (Alice)-My man Burton is back at it again to ruin yet another classic story. Tim, your style is one of my favorites, but when can we return to Beetlejuice or Edward Scissorhands? Please don’t mess up this classic tale. I always thought of Alice as being older too, so don’t cast Abigail Breslin. I know Johnny Depp will appear, but you couldn’t direct a new Pirate movie instead?

Friday the 13th-Do we really need to see Jason again? Really? I love horror and I love slasher flicks. I love that they were my first brush with naked boobs, but we are beyond this now. The horror movies of today lack the style of the cheap horror of the 80’s. Cha Cha Cha!

A Nightmare on Elm Street-See Above. Without Robert Englund!

The Day the Earth Stood Still-Keanu Reeves stars in this sci-fi classic. Eww!

Death Race-As if the original were awesome.

Robocop-Yup. Coming soon. I cannot wait to see this crapfest.

Adventures in Babysitting-Starring Raven Simone. Oh, the anticipation is killing me. Will Thor reappear?

Weird Science-Arrested Development creator is attached. Who will play LeBrock’s character? This movie got cooler with age.

Footloose-When I get mad, I dance! I was thinking the other day, we need another Footloose. I hope it has a poignant message like the original. RIP Chris Penn.

Surprise!

It is a rainy Monday afternoon during the dog days of summer. The temperature is 99 degrees with a heat index of 105. You are hot and the beach is out of the question. You pick up the newspaper and look at moving listings because a cold theater and a matinee is just what you need. The problem is you have seen every Summer Blockbuster and nothing intrigues you to the point of excitement. You notice a couple of titles that sound familiar and may have some promise. Maybe you just need to get out of the house and cool off in chilly movie theater. You decide to take your chances and grab your car keys. When you arrive at the theater there is the scattering of patrons, but nothing monumental has been released lately so it is seemingly deserted. There is no wait for popcorn and two pimple faced ushers are discussing whether or not the have a shot of "hooking up" with Miley Cyrus. This could be a bad day, but you are determined to enjoy whatever mind numbing movie you choose. You buy your ticket and grab your popcorn and Sno-caps. The actual screening room has about ten people sprinkled about in their seats. You take your seat and two hours pass without a blink. What happened in those two hours? You were surprised beyond belief. You just found a cinematic jewel. You didn’t expect it, but it happened. You feel like a professor of archaeology and you just unearthed a great find that may change civilization. This is the power of cinema. This is the unexpected and your day out was well worth the price of admission.

Today’s Roar is dedicated to Johnny K. who gave me the idea for the blog. These are movies that caught me “off guard.” I didn’t expect much or had no expectations at all for these films. By the end of each of these movies I was pleasantly surprised. John was taken aback by American Beauty and I’m guessing the screenplay had him floored.

5) Major League-I remember thinking this would be a slapstick comedy and what I saw on screen was baseball movie with a Rocky style twist. It is one of the most quoted movies ever made and a delight for any baseball fan. I’d take a whiz on Dorn’s contract!

4) Jurassic Park-I heard about the book. I heard it was a Spielberg film, but I had no clue it was going to be fun. Jurassic Park had my heart pounding for two hours and John William’s score gave me goose bumps. “You bred raptors?”

3) Gone Baby Gone-This could have been a paint-by-numbers thriller, but it was Casey Affleck’s finest hour. It brought up one of the great moral dilemmas in cinema. I was surprised at how well this movie handled several issues. The twist was well worth the investment.

2) Blast from the Past-By all rights this movie should be deemed terrible, but I had to laugh at Christopher Walken’s portrayl of the paranoid anti-soviet father. The underground bomb shelter was kind of cool and Brendan Fraser’s ascension to the “top of the world” was interesting. This was a good movie and to say I was surprised in an understatement.

1) Hotel Rwanda-Don Cheadle was absolutely riveting in this moving, real-life drama. It was an education on genocide and raised awareness on the plight of Tutsis and Hutus. We said genocide would never happen again after World War II, however 100, 000 people were slaughtered in Rwanda in 100 days. I am still moved by this picture and in my opinion it is one of the best movies ever made. “Surprised,” doesn’t entirely convey how I felt after seeing this movie.

Oh What A Knight!

“…Some men just want to watch the world burn.”-Alfred

Over the past few weeks I have read about thirty different reviews in regards to The Dark Knight. The word that I have read numerous times is “hyperbole” and the fear of each critic to use the word in their review. Some have said The Dark Knight is the greatest superhero movie of the genre. I would like to take this moment to let those critics know how very wrong they are. The Dark Knight is not one of the greatest superhero movies ever, it is one of the great MOVIES ever to be made and will go into the annals of movie making as such. I often judge a movie on whether it is re-watchable. This movie has my money for a repeat viewings and a copy of the Blu-Ray DVD and that is saying something in this age of copycat cinema. I have heard this movie being compared to The Godfather and frankly, I agree with that statement. In The Godfather not a minute of screen time is wasted on frivolous plot angles. The Dark Knight tells its story in the same manner and it does it very effectively. It would take about five viewings for me to cram in all of the reasons why this is the “perfect” movie to hyperbolize. I won’t waste your time. Instead, I’ll break it down into segments without spoiling the plot. This is going to be difficult because the story is impeccable and deserves deeper analyzing.

THE FOCUS-This isn’t a movie about Batman, The Joker, Harvey Dent, or Rachael Dawes. This movie is about Gotham and its dysfunction. In this Gotham, people die just like in any other city. People are knifed, shot with real bullets, and the attitudes of the citizens reflect that of any major American city. In this Gotham, there are no buildings taken from brightly colored comic books. The setting is tangible and familiar. It is lived in and beaten. Gotham is a reflection of our society. It is confused when the lines become blurred and in some instances hope is fleeting even with the Batman as its self proclaimed guardian. This movie isn’t about a villain in Gotham, but villains working from the outside and inside to take the city’s pride and turn in it on itself. This is the Gotham Bruce Wayne has sworn to protect. The setting of Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight is the true gem of this masterpiece.

THE JOKER- Is Heath Ledger as good as they say? He is better than they say. Ledger’s Joker deserves accolades and they would have been thrust upon him whether he was alive or not. He will get an Oscar nod and probably win. There is just no debate with his performance. His performance is the epitome of “good acting.” The amazing thing about Ledger in The Dark Knight is the script doesn’t allow him to steal the show. He doesn’t play a caricature of himself like so many other campy screen villains. This Joker is quick witted, scary, and just plain mean. He is born out of hate and the truth is there is no winning even when you have defeated him. His machinations are real and are intent on causing pain. He is the dark to the light and takes pleasure in the fact that Batman needs him. Personally, I was scared of The Joker because he has no real motives for inflicting damage. He can not be bought or bartered.

BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN- Christian Bale’s Batman is actually the third character in his own movie. Batman is pushed to his limits several times. He is on the verge of becoming that of which he hates. Unlike any superhero before him, he must become the anti-hero without stepping over the “blurred line.” This Batman exists in our world. He isn’t invincible and is always in true danger. He is the one superhero who can be hurt and you can feel that on screen. He needs the police, politicians and his alter ego to defend the symbolism of The Dark Knight. Batman IS the people of Gotham and any villain trying to make a statement had better remember that Batman is more than man, he is a city. He is forced to make tough decisions and stick by those decisions no matter the consequences. People will die on his watch and the time to reflect on his decisions is limited. This is played with wonderful balance on screen.

HARVEY DENT- Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart) is the most intriguing of the three main characters. He is an ambitious DA and is truly trying to help Gotham. He realizes the toll organized crime has taken on the city. He realizes Batman is but one man and realizes that evil always lurks in the hearts of men who seek revenge. The tale of Harvey Dent is a strong story and gives real sustenance to The Dark Knight.

It has been years since I have seen a movie as good as The Dark Knight. The credit has to go to Jonathan and Christopher Nolan. Their screenplay for the reinvention of Batman is flawless. The action sequences are very organic and have the feeling of real peril. This Batman is not Adam West or Michael Keaton. He is a man with doubts, strength, and humanity. He is a representation of the struggle to be “good” in every facet of our daily lives. In essence, the Dark Knight is us. The Dark Knight is the culmination of all parts working together on screen. It is the perfect recipe for what is the perfect movie.

Hell Yes!

Inventive, imaginative, daring, self-aware, and at times awe-inspiring; are the words that best describe Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Guillermo Del Torro’s vision is something to behold. It is an array of sensations that hit you all at once. At times you will find it hard to wrap your mind around what is happening on screen. This is a new version of the “superhero genre” and in away a throw back film to glorious 1980’s fantasy cinema. Hellboy II offers something that many summer films cannot, heart. The story is quite good and truly resembles that of a bedtime story which is how the movie opens. John Hurt (Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull) tells a young Hellboy of a world long lost. A world where man was not to be trusted and as a contingency a group of elves created a Golden Army that could be controlled to rule the world if things were to get "out of hand.”

Much like Lord of the Rings, a crown divided into three parts was divided and once brought together a ruler could claim this Golden Army and have it do his bidding. This all seems to play out as the backdrop to other story arches which are just as compelling.

Del Torro and Mike Mignola (Creator of Hellboy) seem to push all of the right buttons with this film. The characters are very comfortable in their environment which seems to be produced by extremely powerful hallucinogens or just over active imaginations. It is enjoyable to see a director have fun with a film and create something that is uniquely his own. Del Torro has done this before with Pan’s Labyrinth, but Hellboy is a bit more simplistic than that film. Hellboy (Ron Pearlman) as a character is fascinating in his own right. In this movie he wants to be recognized like a Spiderman or Superman and be loved by the populace. Unfotunatley, the populace finds a red, hornless, devil not endearing. Hellboy is conflicted because he has spent his entire life defending these people from the things that they fear. He has protected them from all of the “bumps” in the darkness of night and they still refuse to embrace him and his band of misfits. It is amazing to actually see the expressions of hurt feelings on the face of an otherwise “unique” character. This is a credit to the filmmaker, who allows his hero to be the harbinger of emotion.

There are few scenes in movies that as you watch them, you know they will become classics for one reason or another. Del Torro’s Troll Market is something to marvel. It is fantastic, witty, scary, beautiful, and truly out of this world. It is Mos Eisley Cantina all over again and a truly fun time. It is homage to our childish imaginations and it is more than welcomed. There are so many creatures, monsters, trolls, and other unexplainable things that the feast for senses will leave you more than full. Hellboy says something rather poignant in the Troll Market. He states “They don’t look at us funny down here…” Implying that his gang of misfits finally “fits” somewhere. Oddly enough, if you ever survived high school, you will feel the same.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army was a real surprise for me. It exceeded my expectations visually and emotionally. Will this movie change the “superhero genre?” No, but it may bring back fantasy films. If you weren't a fan of the first film, I cannot recommend you to see this movie. The humor is on par with the original Hellboy and the characters as they are require you to abandon rationality for the simple fact that they exist. By the end of this movie there is plenty of room for Hellboy 3 and I for one, hope that idea comes to fruition. It is also safe to say that The Hobbit is in more than capable hands and I cannot wait to see the visual world Del Torro will create for those films.

Friendly Fire

In our society it has become apparent that male friendships have suffered from the feminization of the word “friend.” “Friend” has taken on the connotation of weakness with men. Men, as a whole, have fewer friends than women and their friendships are often built out of loyalty more than love. It is an interesting dynamic to gender relationships in our society. In any relationship we look for commonalities and connections to our own lives. Male friendships are usually forged when there is a common cause. This could be sports, movies, or women. As men, we form brotherhoods that cannot be broken. In a lot of ways we value our male friendships more than our relationships with women. You see, there is a primitive bond that exists between men. These friendships are about the things that do not need to be said, but are understood. Loyalty is always a part of the male friendship and “love” is just implicit. There is the old cliché, “You are lucky to have one or two true friends in your life.” This is the one lesson we can take out of lives and it is very true. These are the friends that you count on and they count on you. These are the guys that would drop everything for you in a moments notice if that is what they thought you needed. These are the guys that do not have to get “wordy,” but their hand on your shoulder speaks volumes. These are the guys that look at you in your worst moments and yet, they still like you. They represent the confidence that resides in you and they are fiercely devoted to your cause.

Today’s “Roar” is a tribute to two of my very best male compatriots, Joe and Chris. I am listing movies that remind me of them and why the characters in these films are representation of our friendship.

Toy Story 2- Buzz Lightyear has to rescue Woody from selling himself out to be with his “kind.” Buzz puts together a team of toys to stop Woody from making a mistake and helps him realize that “friendship” is belonging. Neither of my friends would ever let me sell myself out. You’ve got a friend in me…

Star Wars-How many people do you know that would fly across the galaxy to save your ass from impending doom? Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are the truest friends. Luke risks everything, ignoring Yoda’s warning (…You will ruin all for which they fought and suffered), to help Han. He flies into Bespin, untrained and naïve. His purpose, to save his friends from Darth Vader. These guys would risk everything in the name of friendship and when things go wrong, I look to the stars for the Clarkinnium Falcon or an Ungaro-Wing Fighter.

Good Will Hunting-Well, this is the ultimate movie about friends and one of my all time favorite movies. The irony of the characters in this movie is that neither is threatened by the other. There is an unspoken bond on screen and is one of two movies in which I actually appreciate the acting of Ben Affleck.

And why does he hang out with those retarded gorillas, as you called them? Because any one of them, if he asked them to, would take a fucking bat to your head, okay? It's called loyalty. This is so true about Chris and Joe. If I were in pain there is no doubt that bats would be in hand and we’d deal with the consequences later.

No, no no no. Fuck you, you don't owe it to yourself man, you owe it to me, 'cause tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be 50, and I'll still be doin' this shit. And that's all right. That's fine. I mean, you're sittin' on a winnin' lottery ticket. You're too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that's bullshit. 'Cause I'd do fuckin' anything to have what you got. So would any of these fuckin' guys. It'd be an insult to us if you're still here in 20 years. Hangin' around here is a fuckin' waste of your time. Only true friends can talk to you this way. Not your wife, not your mother, only your best friends.


The Godfather- Why do you hurt me, Michael? I've always been loyal to you-Tom Hagen
Tom Hagen is the most loyal individual ever to grace a movie screen. The relationship between he and Michael epitomizes the primal nature of the male bond. Tom is the only character able to tell Michael where he truly stands.

Somethin' Smells

What makes a bad movie? The answer is easy, pretentiousness. Movies that claim to be “life changing” or are strung together to create “Oscar Buzz,” beware. These are the movies you must proceed ahead with caution before viewing. Now, there are bad movies on the shelves of every Blockbuster or “Ma and Pa” video store with titles like “They Saved Hitler’s Brain,” and if you rent these titles, you know exactly what you are getting. For the sake of this “Roar,” I’m limiting it to movies that seemingly had some promise, but failed miserably. It would be too easy to list “Cabin Boy” or “Anaconda” on this scale. It is also important to note that movies like Rocky 5 and Caddyshack 2 were left of off the list because they do not offer the smug nature of some films although they are quite bad. Do you remember Oscar winner “Dances with Wolves?” Go back and watch it and I think you’ll understand the pretentious nature of that film and just how bad it truly is while questioning the Academy’s decision to award it Best Picture. This movie is deemed “good” out of guilt because its plot deals with the destruction of Native Americans. This list was challenge, but the task is complete. Here are my five worst films in cinematic history…

5) Pay it Forward-Pretentious beyond all belief. If I do a kind act and someone else follows my lead the world will be better place. Malarkey! Here’s a kind act, burn every copy of this movie.

4) The Majestic-Jim Carrey crying for an Oscar nomination. Let’s see, if we put Martin Landau and Jim Carrey in the same movie it will be good, right? WRONG! Frank Darabount wrote this movie after Shawshank Redemption and I guess we all expected to be “good.” Nothing Majestic about it!

3) Battlefield Earth-L. Ron Hubbard, John Travolta and other’s in this epically bad movie about god knows what. I wanted to take my brain out of my skull and wash it after seeing this movie.

2) Dangerous Minds-That’s right Michelle Pfieffer as a bad ass teacher in a primarily African American high school. Hollywood, please show us the other side of the tracks. I am a Caucasian from suburbia and need to realize how diverse the world really is and need to identify with the other half. Hollywood, manipulate my sensibilities into crying. How do we teach these Keeeeedze? (far better movie) This is as pretentious as it gets.

1) Wild Hogs-I remember watching Meet the Parents and thinking, “Wow, this could have been awful, but it is quite good because there is star power carrying the script.” I thought to my dismay that “Wild Hogs” may be similar. Travolta, Allen, Macy, Liotta Lawrence, Tomei, how could this movie fail? “Failure” doesn’t even begin to describe the steaming crapfest that is Wild Hogs. By the end of this film, I was praying to God that in some fashion, he would return the wasted hour and forty-five minutes of my life in some capacity. I fault myself for sitting through this tragic cinematic piece of garbage. I’d rather have been eaten by Wild Hogs than watch this movie. Oh yeah, Peter Fonda shows up and gives an Easy Rider philosophy on “riding.” I hate, Hate, HATE this movie.