Hancock Wasted?

It is tough to ignore the obvious jokes that would go with writing review about Hancock. I could say that this movie "Sucked Hancock" or it was just too much "Hancock for Me to Handle." The play on words are limitless unlike this movie. Hancock is bound by its own tepid screen writing and for some reason limits itself to being an okay film. Director Peter Berg has an opportunity here to take a character that is so interesting and create a new kind of superhero epic. Instead, we get a movie that relies soley on the star power of Will Smith. Smith plays the drunken, foul mouthed, Hancock with stlyle and for the first half of this movie I was enthralled and hoping that the script would continue in this direction. Hancock does not like the people that he saves and they do not return much love for him either. Hancock causes the city of Los Angeles millions of dollars in damage everytime he puts forth any heroic effort. He is bogged down in his own self-pity until he saves the life of Ray Embery played by Jason Bateman. Embery is an idealists with a Public Relations background and proposes to change Hancocks image. Embery's wife, Mary, played by Charlize Theron, is less than taken with Hancock. This creates what may be an intersting dynamic to the film, but for some reason the script gets far away from this thought and folds onto itself. We do get an explanation of who Hancock is, but in so many ways it is flimsy. It is all tied into ancient mythology and the path of a true hero. This is a big mistake because Hancock is the antithesis of a true hero and that is what could have made this movie a winner. Its inability to seperate itself from just another superhero movie was detremantal to the second half of the film.

There are things to like about Hancock. The character curses at children and drinks whiskey by the bottle. He is self-loathing and hates the fact that people have expectations for him. He could easily abuse his power and doesn't because in some way is looking for acceptance. Hancock is different and this movie could have been too. It is hard to write a glowing review of this movie even though all the elements are in place for something totally refreshing. The biggest problem with Hancock is there isn't one moment in the movie where you are in awe of anything that happens on screen. There are no "goosebump" moments. By the end, you might wish you had a bottle of whiskey to wipe away the memory of this subtle summer fare.

Apology Not Accepted

It all began years ago in a childhood far far away. A young boy with an active imagination attached himself to a movie. The premise seemed to be off the wall. The movie featured a seemingly gay robot accompanied by a mobile trashcan that spoke beeps and blurps. It featured a “walking carpet” and a whiney moisture farmer. The craziest thing about this film was the asthmatic villain who ruled with an iron fist. The movie was Star Wars or as they call it now, Star Wars: A New Hope. It set the bar for blockbuster entertainment and spawned a merchandising empire. George Lucas’s vision ignited the imaginations of many children and gave hope that movies could still be fun. It was a creation that would lead to creative filmmaking and has inspired generations of filmmakers. As a kid all those years ago, I thought that Star Wars and its sequels could not have been more perfect. The Empire Strikes Back may be the pillar of a cinematic masterpiece. There is not a moment wasted on screen. I use to hang upside down on my bed and try to use the force to get my toy lightsaber just like Luke. It never worked, but I am still trying. You see Star Wars for me is my barometer for movies. I expect more out of Hollywood because of its achievements and world renowned praise. These are the very movies that made me love film. But I digress, I cannot spend another minute of my life apologizing for the abomination called The Prequel Trilogy.
Let’s start off with Episode I: The Phantom Menace. I bought into this travesty hook, line, and sinker. I remember watching the teaser trailer in November of 1998 and nearly crying because it looked so promising. It seemed as if Lucas and company had an idea of what they were doing. Besides the day I got married, the day I bought tickets for The Phantom Menace was the happiest moment of my life. I could not believe that another Star Wars movie was going to splash down and rule an entire summer. I bought toys, magazines, and product tie-ins from Pizza Hut. I was energized again and knew that greatness had once again arrived in Hollywood. It was all too perfect and the time machine in my heart harkened back to the days of playing with my Millenium Falcon and freeing Han Solo from play-dough as if he were encased in carbonite. Damn, this was going to be good. I brought my girlfriend, my sisters, and anyone else who wanted to share in this glorious occasion with me to the theater. The local news had reporters stationed inside the theater interviewing people before and after the movie. Kids and adults were dressed in costumes swinging lightsabers and making buzzing sounds. This was the impact of cinema in its finest hour. The opening sequence to any Star Wars movie is always exciting. The Lucasfilm logo hits the screen and a silence falls over the crowd without fail. Then it happened, The Phantom Menace actually played as a movie and it was stunningly embarrassing. Jar Jar Binks is credited with the ruination of the franchise, but it is not his fault. Yes, Jar Jar is annoying, but not nearly as irritating has Jake Lloyd as young Anakin Skywalker. George Lucas has trouble directing adult actors so, what was he thinking starting off the “new trilogy” with an eight-year-old Sith to be? I am still baffled. The best casting decision in this movie was Samuel Jackson as Mace Windu. His performance was riveting as he drops knowledge on young Anakin in a Jedi Council meeting. His two lines in the film should be shown in every acting class (sarcasm). These small quibbles are not the worst aspect of the movie. The worst was the decision to have a Star Wars movie based off of a Galactic Trade dispute. I cannot believe for second that Lucas thought this would be an interesting idea. He has said repeatedly that the Star Wars Universe was created for children therefore adults would be critical of the new films. Well, when is the last time a group of children busted out their action figures to play Galactic Trade Dispute? To borrow a line from Luke Skywalker, “NEVER!” I have to give credit to the last 45 minutes of the movie because it was rather exciting. I enjoyed watching the tattooed Darth Maul fight two Jedi, but for all of his badness, his death was rather weak. He was taken out by a young Obi-Wan and cut in half. Frankly, I never got the Darth Maul character. He was just a pit-bull trained to kill. The moment that seals the deal in this movie is Anakin “accidentally” blowing up a Trade Federation ship to save the day on Naboo. That scene was and still is just plain stupid. Yippie! Isn’t that what we all scream when we save the galaxy? After seeing this movie seven times in the theater, I still apologized for all of its awfulness. The truth is that The Phantom Menace is as far from the Star Wars Universe as one could possibly get. Oh by the way, the announcers of the pod race scene…
Now to the sweat stained Attack of the Clones. Holy crap did this movie just plain suck the life out me in parts. Anakin Skywalker was played by Hayden Christensen and boy did he “wow” me with his captivating charisma. Again, Lucas puts the screws to his loyalists. He is quoted as saying that Clones is a love story. That’s right, A LOVE STORY. That is exactly what we want out of Star Wars movie. It was surely a good idea to write the first third as a Trade Dispute, but what an epiphany it must have been to make a Star Wars movie a “love story.” Hey guys, let’s gather our action figures and play “love story.” Seriously, the “love scenes” in this movie are unforgivable by any standards. Here is the actual script:

INTERIOR: NABOO LAKE RETREAT, LODGE, FIREPLACE ALCOVE -TWILIGHT
A fire blazes in the open hearth. PADMÉ and ANAKIN aresitting in front of it, gazing into the flames. She looksup as ANAKIN leans in to kiss her.
PADMÉ: Anakin, no.
ANAKIN: From the moment I met you, all those years ago, aday hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. And nowthat I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get toyou, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with youmakes my stomach turn over - my mouth goes dry. I feeldizzy. I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss you shouldnever have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kisswill not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormentingme. What can I do? I will do anything you ask...

This was really carried out on screen. The greatest Jedi of all time actually says this stuff. I am “haunted” by the script. All I could do is ask myself, “What the hell is going on?” Anakin Skywalker is behaving like a total dweeb. His MySpace page must be pathetic. Who would have thought Darth “Freakin” Vader to be completely EMO? I’m sure they are concerned about him at the Jedi Temple. This doesn’t say much for the mentoring job of Obi-Wan Kenobi. I love the fact that the all knowing Jedi cannot or fail to acknowledge the conflicted feelings of the “chosen one.” This does not top the introduction of Jango Fett. Jango is brought into the film to introduce fan favorite, Boba Fett. I never really understood the infatuation with Boba Fett, after all, he was just a bounty hunter. He first appeared during the Star Wars Holiday Special and still has a cult following. In my opinion, his story is the least interesting. The problems with “Clones” seem dissipate when we arrive at the Battle Arena where Anakin and Padme are sentenced to death by three creatures, but again it proves to be ridiculous. Mace Windu shows up with his glowing purple lightsaber and says, “This party is over.” Can you feel the chills? It was astonishingly terrible to see so many Jedi getting “punked” so easily. These are Jedi Knights. These are the heroic icons of youth. These are the guys we would put up against any enemy and they would succeed. In “Clones,” they are destroyed by Federation Droids. Attack of the Clones does have one redeeming quality and that it the Jedi prowess of Yoda. Yoda ignites his lightsaber and I felt a slight tickle in my special area. It saved this movie from totally being horrendous. “Clones” gets an “A” for effort and a D- for execution. Execution is too appropriate for this movie.
Revenge of the Sith is the third installment of the prequel trilogy and the most tragic for various reasons. Sith was going to be the movie that brought redemption back to the Star Wars Universe. All of the things that were discussed in our youth would come to fruition. We were finally going to see Anakin Skywalker fight Obi-Wan Kenobi in what should have been the greatest lightsaber battle of all-time. What we get is something less. It amazes me that the Jedi were so easily fooled by Emperor Palpatine. They are almost deserving of their plight. Lucas said, “This is the Titanic of the series.” One more time, “Let’s get our action figures and play Titanic.” Really George? What is most heartbreaking about Sith is that it has the workings of a great film. All of the elements are there and once again it is fumbled and bobbled. There is homage to the Godfather in this film, which I liked and wish were carried out more effectively. In The Godfather, the five families are “taken care of” at the end of the movie. In Sith, the Jedi are “taken care of” on various worlds, but once again the build up doesn’t correlate well with the scenes. I was literally crawling in my seat when the Jedi are murdered on the “neon” planet. The CGI was so bad that I felt as if I were on Mr. Toads Wild Ride at Disney World. It looked cheap and made me feel the same. We all wanted to see Revenge of the Sith to see the transformation of Anakin into Vader. I honestly cannot stand the way this was portrayed on screen. Anakin is cut off at the legs and then burns before being rescued by Palpatine. Let me put this in perspective, Anakin Skywalker has legendary lightsaber skills and has saved the galaxy numerous times from doom, yet, isn’t savvy enough not to flip into the blue blade of Obi-Wan. This is just plain awful. However, I did enjoy the Frankenstein style in which Anakin becomes Darth Vader, but all is ruined when James Earl Jones’s voice utters the word “NOOOOOO!” I understand he is upset about the possibility of killing his wife in a fit of rage, but once you put on that black suit you are not entitled to whine. Mr. Skywalker must shed is quasi-depressive state and become a hateful, spiteful Sith Lord. I almost wish that Lucas had written the transformation of Anakin earlier in the trilogy. It would have been fascinating to see him hunt and murder Jedi without remorse. If you rearrange the letters in Sith you just may have the true meaning of the Prequel Trilogy.
I love the Star Wars Universe. It is an escapist fantasy for me and always has been. It is the reminder of all that was good aboutgrowing up a child of the 70’s and 80’s. It has taught me valuable lessons about good and evil and love and friendship. Some over step their boundries and say that Lucas “raped” their childhood. I cannot agree with this, but I can say that Star Wars is sacred ground. It is not to be taken lightly. I just wanted to relive a fraction of my childhood. I didn’t expect these movies to better that the Original Trilogy, but I did expect them to be just as good.

Dad, Me, and Movies

Fifteen months ago I lost my father in what was a life changing, yet, life affirming event in my life. After months and months of incredible sadness, I began to recognize all of the little moments that we had spent together. I began to realize that moments that were once insignificant had now become important. These instances range from getting “merit” badges as a Cub Scout to having a catch. If I have one regret, it is that I never told him how those “insignificant moments” impacted me. My father wasn’t big into movies like I am, but the movies he did see, he always liked. He loved comedies. There is something about watching a comedy with your dad and listening to him laugh. If he laughs you know you will too. I recall watching Old School with my old man the night before my wedding. His belly laugh had me rolling and tears were streaming down my face much the way they are now as I write this. We saw some great classics together too. I look fondly on taking him to see Ghostbusters on his birthday. I watched him in the theater that day and do not think he stopped smiling the entire film. Slimer made me cackle, but I am sure Bill Murray’s lines about “dickless” government workers and his girlfriend sleeping “four feet above the covers” were the reasons for his amusement. My dad and I could always bond over a great comedy so today, I honor him and I am reminded of how much I miss his goofy smile. Here are his top five favorites:

5) Blazing Saddles-He always quoted this flick “Badges…we don’t need no stinkin’ badges.”

4) Meet the Parents-We saw this as an entire family and it was my pop’s introduction to Ben Stiller.

3) Men In Black-Yes, Men In Black! My dad LOVED this movie and I still can’t figure out what his obsession was with this film. I liked it, but he loved it.

2) Ghostbusters-Well it is a classic and it made making smores with the old man enjoyable. Where are those Stay Puffed Marshmellows?

1)Young Frankenstein-A comedy classic. Mel had a way with my dad and this was the first movie he ever bought on VHS.

Hulk Smash!

This movie’s main character, The Hulk, has something that lives deep inside of him. It is something primitive, raw, and needs to be examined without limitations. It is the very essence of man. It is the desire to let raw emotion take our minds and bodies to perform either heroic or horrible acts. The Hulk is man stripped down to his bare bones. He represents thousands of years of repression. He is nature at its purest. When I was leaving the theater after seeing The Incredible Hulk I felt more than satisfied because I had the opportunity to examine something that resides deep inside of me. Like the Hulk, I was trying to repress ancient feelings of being a kid just enjoying a superhero movie. You see, superhero movies have more adult qualities to them then ever before. The storylines are not as basic and as movie-goers we are all benefiting. As I watched The Incredible Hulk something resonated with me. It wasn’t the storyline or the acting. It wasn’t the dilemma of Bruce Banner trying to do the right thing. It was a giggle inside my belly of sheer childhood delight. It was an eight year-old boy who I have lost touch with. It was me. There is a scene early on in the film where The Hulk tosses a forklift like a “softball” and I felt as if someone had transported me back in time. I suddenly remembered Bill Bixby walking solemnly down a lonely road with a bag over his shoulder as the “sad” Hulk music played in the background. I remembered cutting my Felix the Cat pajamas with scissors and showing my mother that I had clothes like the Hulk. I remembered her Hulk like rage afterwards too. It has been a very long time since I have sat in a theater and just enjoyed a film as much as enjoyed The Incredible Hulk.
There is a pureness to this movie that many may not understand. Marvel’s Incredible Hulk isn’t a very “deep” character in comparison to the other superhero franchises. He lacks the suaveness of Tony Stark and isn’t as conflicted as Peter Parker. Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) gets angry and when he gets angry, things get smashed. I enjoyed the “smashing” immensely. The Hulk swings from helicopters and takes on battalions of trained Army soldiers. He is tested and pushed to the brink. This movie touches on something very prehistoric that exist in all of us, our desire to listen to rage.
It is important to remember that movies should entertain us and The Incredible Hulk does this for a vast majority of its two hour running time. Edward Norton is more than serviceable as Dr. Bruce Banner and Liv Tyler is very good as Betty Ross. There is enough in this movie to please fans of the TV show and fan boys who have every copy of the comics. You may not like the Hulk when he is angry, but I sure did.

Iron is the Man

Iron Man is one a movie that I respect the heck out of because a studio has finally realized to leave comic book characters in the hands of capable and inspired directors. This is the case here with Jon Favreau. He is a bona fide Iron Man comic book reader. This no different than Sam Raimi's love of Spider-Man. These are two franchises that will continue to bloom and entertain because there is great care. We have all seen the destruction of what happens when a studio goes for a quick cash grab like X-Men: The Last Stand and the abysmal Batman and Robin. Iron Man has the chance to be a great story and it is off to a terrific start in one of the better origin stories.

Tony Stark is a womanizing alcoholic who happens to be a brilliant weapons designer. He is also the worlds largest jerk and needs to be kidnapped by terrorists to be given a dose of reality. That is why Robert Downey Jr. is perfect for the role. His own demons clearly come out in the character of Stark and his road to redemption is similar.

Pepper Potts is played by Gwenyth Paltrow and she is perfect has is Tony's "Money Penny." The "love story" isn't over the top and truly understated as it should be. This role is a departure for Paltrow and makes her likable among the "fan boys" who love this stuff. I loved their relationship because she plays Tony's babysitter, yet she knows his dark secrets and accepts his faults.

There are so many things to appreciate in Iron Man. It was thoroughly enjoyable to see Tony Stark creating the Mark 1 in Afghanistan and then using it to escape. During this scene we learn that Stark, although brilliant, is naive and not as smart as we had previously given him credit for being. His weapons are being sold to the enemy and the entire time he thought he was protecting his country. His true enemy is capitalism and he must decide on what is important upon is return to the United States. Does he protect those who need protecting or does he turn away and cash check after check? I also like that Iron Man is who he his. Unlike Spiderman or Peter Parker, Tony Stark isn't afraid to let the world know. He doest allow the villians to put a bulls eye on his chest. He calls himself out and lets the world know his true identity.

It is clear from the opening scenes of the movie who is true enemies are and although it is supposed to come as a big reveal at the end we are not that surprised. This does not detract from the movie, but the "secret" could have been more guarded.

Now for the suit. The birth Iron Man was so utterly fascinating that I could have watched an entire movie about how Tony Stark perfected its awesomeness. Yes, I said awesomeness. The Iron Man suit is so freakin' cool that it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. There are so many opportunities for Stark to use the suit and he does so in a bad-ass way time after time.

Frankl, I cannot wait to see where Iron Man is going to go. I hope Marvel doesn't ruin the franchise by trying to stuff too much alfalfa into this pita. The idea of cross-over films is an interesting idea, but be warned, there is more to the Tony Stark story that needs to be told uninterrupted.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Dull?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is built upon expectations. It is nineteen years of wanting and waiting. It is supposed to be the return of an iconic adventurer. I had to ask myself, do we need another Indiana Jones movie? The answer is “yes” we certainly need another Indiana Jones, just not this one. Crystal Skull gets so much right and at the same time it gets so much wrong. Our hero Indiana is the same as he was years ago just a little grayer and far more intelligent than I remember. This Indy figures out riddles and puzzles with such simplicity that it made me uncomfortable. The Henry Jones Jr. I remember stumbled onto things with good guesses and savvy survival skills. Yes, he was smart too just not to the point that he didn’t have to work for it. The problem with Spielberg and Lucas’s latest effort is that script is not basic enough. It is spread thin in all directions and its focus is never fully realized.
The biggest question mark going into this movie was Harrison Ford. He has suffered a string of awful films and he needed Indiana more than the audience. He delivers. There is only a “look” Ford can give as Indy and it is clear that he is more than just a hat and whip. It was refreshing to see Ford not “mail it in” for another pay-day. He was just as charming as he has always been and the main reason to see this film. So what’s wrong with this film?
Let’s start off with Cate Blanchett as Agent Spalko. Spalko is the fair haired girl of Josef Stalin during the Cold War. Stalin made it no secret that he was interested in finding ways of perfecting psychic warfare. He was also hell bent on creating ape men that would replace Red Army soldiers and bring about the end of democracy in the West. This was a reminder of the original Raiders of the Lost Ark where Adolf Hitler’s obsession with the occult was explored, but unlike Raiders, Crystal Skull complicates the matter. It isn’t about the evils of communism spreading into the west by the means of an all powerful crystal skull. You see, the Ark was just a device that was to be used for world domination. Blanchett does a fine job of playing a villain, but in my estimation she isn’t mean enough and never puts Indiana Jones in any real peril. He is never beaten or truly tortured and his escapes are too simple considering the painstakingly effort the Russians take to apprehend our hero.
Karen Allen’s return as Marion Ravenwood was the one thing I was looking forward to seeing in Crystal Skull. Marion has always been the women that would never back down to Indiana and their relationship was electric in Raiders of the Lost Ark. She is THE WOMAN for Indiana. She challenges his sensibilities and yet he loves her more than any other woman. So I ask the “Beards,” Why is she so smitten with him in her return to the series? She is like a wide-eyed school girl who is looking for Indiana to give her his varsity letter jacket. They made her a woman of the fifties and the truth is Marion as always been a head of her time. Although there is a certain nostalgic sweetness to their very first lines together in the film, she was almost submissive. I was disappointed and delighted at the same time to see Allen reprise her role. Again, Lucas has made things bitter-sweet.
There are some things that are dead on in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The set pieces are amazing and the opening sequence is something to behold. It was evident that Lucas was returning to his days of American Graffiti. Racing cars in the fifties is just cool and I was hooked by the first half of this film. I was also pleasantly surprised by Shia LeBeouf’s Mutt Williams. He was the perfect sidekick for Indiana and did exactly what he was supposed to do in the movie. The motorcycle escape had me believing this was going to be the Indy film we had all dreamed about. Unfortunately, this movie becomes unraveled in the second half and loses its wit rather quickly. Again, they failed to keep it simple and the Crystal skull turns into implausible scene after implausible scene before deflating.
It is important to remember that I cannot spoil this film for those who have yet to see it. As a fan of Spielberg and Lucas, I could write pages about this movie. It is hard for me to only like half a movie, but this is the case here with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The first act is very solid and the second doesn’t come to a crescendo. I am not disappointed by the movie, but I am concerned that this film cannot stand on its own. Crystal Skull is a nice piece of nostalgia just not a great movie.

Whaddya Lookin' At?

There are great fight scenes then there are GREAT fight scenes in movies. I mean the kind of fights that tickle your undercarriage kind of good. I love stupid and pointless action. It is like eating a Ding-Dong, unsatisfying, but good. Like Ding-Dongs, bad fight scenes can cause you to gag. The ultimate fights are the ones with great tension and the build up is so freaking unbearable that you want to be in the movie to settle the score yourself. The beauty of a downy-brook is that it doesn’t have to be bloody or torrid with non-sensible action, it needs to be wrapped tightly in emotion. It has to tap into a primitive yearning of wanting revenge or the desire to prevent harm being inflicted by an adversary. The “fight” in the movies is thing that makes us “stay” in our seats and await the inevitable outcome. Great fights are the very things that call for repeat viewings and they are the very reason such “terrific acting talents” such as Van Damme and Steven Segal had successful careers (I can’t believe I just wrote that). Here are my top five fight scenes:

5) DANIEL LARUSSO vs. JOHNNY LAWRENCE (THE KARATE KID)
Get him a body bag, yeah! This fight was so awesome when I was a kid. I watched this movie repeatedly just to get the fight scene at the end. Johnny Lawrence was such a jerk to poor Daniel. He rode a scary dirt bike and smoked hippie lettuce in the bathroom and jacked Daniel-son up more than once. The famous crane whooped ass and you know you all tried it. Hey, when you’re the best around…

4) FRANK DUX vs. CHONG LI (BLOODSPORT) Chong-Li! Chong Li! Jean Claude is blind and still fights off Chong Li in this cinematic masterpiece. Van Damme was totally bad-ass in Bloodsport.

3) TYLER DURDEN vs. Himself (FIGHT CLUB) Scary, poignant, dark…FUNNY! Fight Club is the movie that makes you believe you like being hit. Who better to beat you up than you? What a crazy metaphor for the learned weaknesses of men. Thanks Mom!

2) LUKE SKYWALKER vs. DARTH VADER (STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK) Holy Crap this was the mother of all fights. Vader lures Luke into the carbon freezing chamber and when Luke arrives Vader’s sword glows ominously. The fight is furious and ends with a severed hand and whiney hero hanging from a weather vane.
1)

1)ROCKY BALBOA vs. APOLLO CREED (ROCKY) Rocky knows he can’t win and says so, but we stand and cheer at our hero losing. The fight itself is tense with drama and for most us we hate Creed because he represents a brand name. Apollo is “Microsoft” and Rocky reminds him of his roots. I still get teary at the climax of this one. The fight is violent and furious and involves a razor blade. ROCKY! ROCKY!